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1. A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said,
"I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
2. A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a
hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of
his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at
precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work
day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that
he was out of hazlenut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw
together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the
bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of
the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"
"No, I'm sorry", replied the bartender, "it's a hickory
3. A hungry African lion was roaming through the jungle
looking for something to eat. He came across two men.
One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other
was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly
pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and
4. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one
of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
5. A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these
alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a
wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving
me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's
very simple. You're two tents."
6. A man went to his dentist because he feels something
wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says,
"that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is
eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies,
"all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife
made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was
delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put
it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables,
everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the
problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon
juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper
plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist
replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate
like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
7. An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was
pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so
elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days
later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was
very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.
The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief
kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story
teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. He challenged
the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried,
unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the
third wife had given birth to twin boys. "Correct," said the
chief. "How did you figure it out?" The warrior answered,
"It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the
hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the
other two hides."
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