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George Carlin was a comic visionary and will be remembered as one of the greatest comedians of all time.
From his memorable rant about everyone
having a cell phone,
to his complaints about telephone answering services, to
his famous 7 dirty words, a compelling argument can be made that he was the greatest comedian that ever existed and,
right up there with Sam Kinison and Eddie Murphy.
George Carlin on Stuff
Actually this is just a place for my stuff, ya know? That's all, a
little place for my stuff. That's all I want, that's all you need in
life,
is a little place for your stuff, ya know? I can see it on your table,
everybody's got a little place for their stuff. This is my stuff,
that's your stuff, that'll be his stuff over there. That's all you need
in life, a little place for your stuff. That's all your house is: a
place to keep your stuff. If you didn't have so much stuff, you wouldn't
need a house. You could just walk around all the time.
A house is just a pile of stuff with a cover on it. You can see that
when you're taking off in an airplane. You look down, you see
everybody's got a little pile of stuff. All the little piles of stuff.
And when you leave your house, you gotta lock it up. Wouldn't
want somebody to come by and take some of your stuff. They always take
the good stuff. They never bother with that crap
you're saving. All they want is the shiny stuff. That's what your house
is, a place to keep your stuff while you go out and
get...more stuff!
Sometimes you gotta move, gotta get a bigger house.
Why? No room for your stuff anymore. Did you ever
notice when you go to somebody else's house, you never quite feel a
hundred percent at home? You know why? No room for
your stuff. Somebody else's stuff is all over the goddamn place! And if
you stay overnight, unexpectedly, they give you a little
bedroom to sleep in. Bedroom they haven't used in about eleven years.
Someone died in it, eleven years ago. And they haven't
moved any of his stuff! Right next to the bed there's usually a dresser
or a bureau of some kind, and there's NO ROOM for
your stuff on it. Somebody else's shit is on the dresser. Meditation will not relieve you of this stress either.
Have you
noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff? God! And
you say, "Get that shit offa there and let me put my stuff down!"
Sometimes you leave your house to go on vacation. And you
gotta take some of your stuff with you. Gotta take about two big
suitcases full of stuff, when you go on vacation. You gotta
take a smaller version of your house. It's the second version of your
stuff. And you're gonna fly all the way to Honolulu. Gonna
go across the continent, across half an ocean to Honolulu. You get down
to the hotel room in Honolulu and you open up your
suitcase and you put away all your stuff. "Here's a place here, put a
little bit of stuff there, put some stuff here, put some
stuff--you put your stuff there, I'll put some stuff--here's another
place for stuff, look at this, I'll put some stuff here..." And even
though you're far away from home, you start to get used to it, you start
to feel okay, because after all, you do have some of
your stuff with you. That's when your friend calls up from Maui, and
says, "Hey, why don'tchya come over to Maui for the
weekend and spend a couple of nights over here."
Oh, no! Now what do I
pack? Right, you've gotta pack an even
SMALLER version of your stuff. The third version of your house. Just
enough stuff to take to Maui for a coupla days. You get
over to Maui--I mean you're really getting extended now, when you think
about it. You got stuff ALL the way back on the
mainland, you got stuff on another island, you got stuff on this island.
I mean, supply lines are getting longer and harder to
maintain. You get over to your friend's house on Maui and he gives you a
little place to sleep, a little bed right next to his
windowsill or something. You put some of your stuff up there. You put
your stuff up there. You got your Visine, you got your
nail clippers, and you put everything up. It takes about an hour and a
half, but after a while you finally feel okay, say, "All right,
I got my nail clippers, I must be okay." That's when your friend says,
"Aaaaay, I think tonight we'll go over the other side of the
island, visit a pal of mine and maybe stay over."
Aww, no. NOW what do
you pack? Right--you gotta pack an even
SMALLER version of your stuff. The fourth version of your house. Only
the stuff you know you're gonna need. Money, keys,
comb, wallet, lighter, hanky, pen, smokes, rubber and change. Well, only
the stuff you HOPE you're gonna need.
All material written and owned by George Carlin.
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