Blonde Stuff
AUTO MAINTENANCE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it
died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling
smoothly. She
says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the
carburetor."
She
asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her
very nicely if
he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish
you guys would
get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my
license and then
today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river
and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she
shouts, "How can I
get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the
river then down
the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the
freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the
blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to
his flashing
lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window,
turned on his
bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled
back, "IT'S A
SCARF!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her
turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone
calls your name,
can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination
that consists
of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the
examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in
a fit of
inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and
starts tossing the
coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No,
for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of
the class is
still sweating it out. During the last few minute she is
seen
desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The
moderator,
alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I
finished the exam
in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
DOG NAMES
A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two
new dogs, and
asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by
saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said,
"Whoever heard
of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HelOOOooo," answered
the blonde
"They're watch dogs
DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her
body hurts whenever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor, "Show
me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbows and screams in agony. She
pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she
touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette,
are you?"
She says "No, I'm really a blonde, I just dyed my hair last week."
"I thought so, " he says.
"Your finger is broken."
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Unamused and Deranged Furbearing Quadrupeds
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